


I Hate Goodbyes

by castronomicaaal



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Break Up, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 17:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2782085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castronomicaaal/pseuds/castronomicaaal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You slept with someone else?” He repeats slowly, as if testing the words out for himself. He must not like the way they feel on his lips because he flinches softly as he speaks them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing and this came out. Rick isn't actually in the story, but he's discussed. I'm not sure if this is in the ZA world or not, I guess you're free to interpret it however you'd like to! Let me know what you think in the comments. :)

Jimmy can tell just by looking at her that something is wrong.

There’s usually a sparkle within those big blue orbs of hers; a constant light that’s nearly blinding to anyone who meets her gaze. But it’s not there right now. A strong grief clouds the sun and he can’t recall offhand a time before when he’s ever seen them look so dark.

“Beth hey,” he speaks slowly, voice low. His stomach begins to turn as that uneasy feeling sets in. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

Beth regards him shamefully, biting at her lip to stop the quivering. “Can I come in?” She asks.

“Of course,” he agrees quickly, grabbing her shoulder to help guide her inside. Jimmy shuts the door once she’s in. “Did somethin’ happen? Is your sister alright? Your father?”

She feels almost nauseous as she watches him, embarrassed by his own affection towards her. Beth is about to break his heart and his first worry stems from concern for her family.

Stifling down the rising bile, Beth coughs. Swiping her long sleeve over her cheek, she catches a single tear as it drops. “I did somethin’,” she tells him. She figures that there’s no need to linger on it or try and make the words come out any nicer. Really, there’s nothing nice about it.

“Did somethin’?” He repeats, both brows furrowing in confusion. “Beth, you ain’t makin’ any sense. What’s goin’ on?”

She takes a moment to watch him, to really look him over. Jimmy is tall and cowboy handsome as ever and Beth remembers for the briefest of moments some of their best memories on the Greene family farm. Like when she was fifteen and he surprised her with that tire swing in the oak tree near the barn. Or how, on her sixteenth birthday, he gave her those tickets to a show in Atlanta she’d been begging her daddy to let her go see. The next night she’d given herself to him for the very first time, in the loft of the barn. Not because she had to, or because she felt it was the best way to thank him, but because she had genuinely wanted to do so.

Back then she had been so sure that she was going to spend the rest of her life with him. Hell, she would have figured the same thing probably three months ago, too.

But now?

Now she can’t get the image of Rick beside her in bed—hair messy from sleep and eyes tired but full of admiration as they observe her—from out of her mind. This memory sets Beth’s core on fire every time she thinks about it with a temperature that Jimmy hasn’t been able to create for her in all of their years together. This hurts, but she knows she’s outgrown him; that she’s outgrown them. She just wishes she could have realized this sooner, before hurting and betraying him in the worst way possible.

“I slept with someone else.”

The words linger in the air between the two of them for some time, stinging both violently. They taste bitter on Beth’s tongue as she admits them out loud for the very first time. Probably because they taste like everything she has ever hoped to not become.

She feels that shame reemerging as she takes in Jimmy’s appearance. His eyes are off of hers now, looking at the patterns on the carpet below instead, but she can tell that he’s clenching his jaw. No longer looking nervous or fearful, he just seems defeated.

“You slept with someone else?” He repeats slowly, as if testing the words out for himself. He must not like the way they feel on his lips because he flinches softly as he speaks them.

Beth nods even though he can’t see it. “I did,” she affirms. She hates this, hates that she’s the type of girl that would ever cheat on someone else. But the deed is already done and it’s too late now to take it back—wouldn’t even if she could. The only thing Beth has left is honesty, to not give away any fake excuses for the crime she willingly committed.

“This ain’t you,” Jimmy tells her. Finally, finally, he looks back up at her and Beth’s breath vacates her body, watching him as he stands there crying while looking her way. “You’re not this type of person.”

“I didn’t think so,” she breathes out, “but I guess I am. Guess I was all along, even if I never wanted to be.”

“You were a nice girl,” he continues, stuttering over the ‘girl' as a small whimper breaks through. Beth closes both eyes, her own fingernails digging into the denim covering her thighs. “We could have gotten married, had a bunch of those babies I always knew you were wantin’. You were supposed to be a nice girl.”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Beth responds, shaking her head.

Jimmy shrugs, playing with the hem of his button up as he regards her with sad eyes. “I want you to tell me that it was a mistake. That you didn’t mean it. That you love me like I love you.”

Beth’s own body trembles slightly as she begins to cry herself. “I want to Jimmy,” she promises. “Please believe that. I want to. But I can’t say those things to you, ‘cause they’re not true.”

She watches in between rapid blinking, her tears clouding her line of vision. He looks heartbroken as he stands there in front of her, absolutely drained, like he’s just lost all the light from his life. And maybe he has. That hurts, but Beth knows it’s not permanent. She just wasn’t the right light for him, something that’s recently become apparent. It’s dark now, but she wishes he could just see that there’s more light out there for him somewhere, a light so bright it’ll warm his heart for the rest of time. He deserves someone like that more than anyone else Beth knows.

Jimmy places both hands over his eyes, wiping the tears away before sighing deeply. His voice is soft, dejected, as he speaks up. “It was Rick, wasn’t it?”

Beth hadn’t been planning to name names, to say anything. But the way he asks, the look in his eyes, it has her nodding after in silent confirmation.

“You know, I knew it.”

Beth watches him intently as he shakes his head, running his left hand through his hair. “You’d been smilin’ at him lately in the way you used to smile at me when we first started datin’. You remember that?”

She crinkles her nose, lips trembling harder as she nods. “I remember Jimmy,” Beth agrees, voice tear filled. “It was good.”

“It wasn’t that good,” he shakes his head, tone taking on a bitterness that makes her flinch a bit, but it certainly isn’t displaced so she forces herself to take it. “If it was really good you’d still be here and not leavin’ me for a man twice your age.”

“Jimmy, please—”

“I think you need to go now, Beth. Please. If you’ve ever cared about me at all you’ll just leave.”

She watches him for a minute longer, the both of them just standing there in his room crying and staring at each other.

Afterwards Beth nods and, with a sense of finality, walks back towards the door. Her hands are clammy as they grab for the handle, turning the nob and opening it up. It twists beneath her fingertips in the same way her own disgrace seems to twist within her stomach.

The door echoes loudly as she closes it.

Beth spends the whole rest of her day recalling over and over again the sound of the lock as it had clicked into place behind her.


End file.
